- Posted by Dimitri Raftopoulos
- On February 20, 2016
- 0 Comments
Your relationships with men have not been working and it’s totally frustrating. Here’s why.
If you’re going to succeed in relationships, you need to completely change your way of thinking. Forget everything you know. Men have masterminded the current status quo and they have conveniently set things up to suit themselves. You have more than likely been conditioned to put men first and yourself second, whether you’re aware of it or not.
Research has finally caught up with what’s going on and shed light on what I have suspected for many years.
GOLDEN NUGGET NO 1
Male and female brains are completely different
(We needed research to tell us that? Isn’t it obvious?)
Well, apparently not, it needed to be tested. I’m being facetious because it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that male and female brains operate in totally different ways, but at least now we have proof, thanks to Dr Louann Birzendine, MD.
Let’s go back to where it all starts. The brain of a foetus is female. At 8 weeks gestation, testosterone floods the brain of a male baby doing two things: it shrinks the communication centre and increases the sexual awareness/aggression area.
Conversely, as the female brain continues to grow it becomes an incredible communication centre. Imagine a busy airport with many runways and then compare that with the male brain – a small airstrip at a private little island airport. I’m not trying to be condescending, this is a fact. Women are incredible communicators because that is how their brains are wired.
Nature wants to continue the survival of our species: testosterone ensures that men are totally consumed by sex and kept busy procreating; whilst women take care of and nurture the children and create the wider community by utilizing their great communication skills.
Trying to get a man to be more communicative (to be more like a woman) so that he can understand how amazing a relationship with you would be, is a complete waste of time.
Men cannot think like you, because their brains are physiologically different.
So how do we address this massive difference between men and women? Firstly, we need to address the balance of power, which brings me on to my next golden nugget.
GOLDEN NUGGET NO 2
Develop yourself into the women he wants to commit to
When a man meets a woman who is confident, sensual and assertive, she is extremely attractive to him. When she is needy, clingy and desperate for his attention, it’s a big turn off. We all know people who behave like that, don’t we? We just want them to get a backbone and show some confidence! That’s not cruel, it’s about the survival of the fittest.
It’s also important not to mother your man, because the relationship cannot be balanced and it won’t work. It’s not your job to take care of his every need. He is your partner and you are adults who can survive independently. You can be caring without mothering him.
So, take time to look at yourself and what your confidence needs are. How do you think you come across? Is there anything you can see that immediately that stands out? Ask a good friend to give you constructive feedback if you need some help.
Don’t be hard on yourself, take this opportunity to see if you’ve got any blind spots and then focus on what you need to improve your self-confidence.
Your confidence will start coming back.
It could be that you’d like to shake up your wardrobe or change your hair so you feel more sexy, or be able to set clear boundaries for yourself and say what you want.
When you become someone you enjoy being and feel comfortable with who you are, you’ll start to attract people who also want to be around you. Men will see that you have your own thing going on and you’re in charge of yourself. That’s confidence. That’s very attractive.
GOLDEN NUGGET NO 3
Get what you want, naturally and effortlessly by keeping your value high
As a more confident woman, you’ll start to feel empowered and behave differently. Now it’s time to start communicating what you want. Be yourself and ask for things in your own soft, feminine and natural way.
When you’re clear about what you want, you’ll see that you start to get your own way. Really, what you’re doing is communicating what you like and don’t like, which is being assertive – giving the other person clear boundaries and respectfully letting them know when something’s not working.
All your power is in your difference to a man. What he adores about you is your feminine nature. That look in your eyes that says, “I’m going to let you be the man. Come on, chase me if you can”. This excites the man as the game begins. He leans in not feeling scared to get it wrong. You give him space to seduce you. If he goes too far, you gently remind him that he must wait.
There’s plenty of time to enjoy the pleasures of love, but first he must get to know you, to see if he really wants to be with you. Once he signals to you that he is in it for the long haul, let the fun begin.
Dimitri Raftopoulos, Relationship Coach